I wanna go to place where I am nothing and everything
That exists between here and nowhere
I wanna got to a place where time has no consequence oh yeah
The sky opens to my prayers
-Lyrics from India Aire’s Beautiful
Two days ago I hopped on a plane with one carry-on full of wrinkled clothes, snacks and hope.
I’m an expert over-packer so the very fact I was able to fit a week’s worth of stuff into one roller bag is a miracle. But I must face the facts. I’m now the only one who will carry my bags. I’m now the one who will hoist them into the bins above. My “Big Arms” are getting the rest they deserve.
I’m lucky though. My grad school buddy and travel maven, Jamie Wong, answered my call to escape. She held my hand and my emotions as we entered the skies to a land unknown. She was strong enough to accept my brokenness; in turn providing me with peace for this journey.
As soon as I settled into my seat, I made sure I could see you. Your beautiful face smiled at me from the picture nestled between my iPad and my pre-takeoff beverage. You loved an adventure. I know you’re going to enjoy this one.
Movies, music, a dinner break and a nap filled the 11 hours of the first flight. However, I was awake for the second leg of the journey. Inflight wifi allowed a good friend’s text highlighting a song honoring this journey and our love to pop up. I had heard it years before, but this time… This time the words hugged my soul.
Please understand that it’s not that I don’t care
But right know these walls are closing in on me
I love you more than I love life itself
I need to find a place were I can breathe.
I can breathe.
I wanna go to place were I can hold the intangible
And let go of the pain with all my might.
India Aire, how did you do that?
For the first time in 4.5 months, the pain in my chest has quieted — at least for a minute. I can actually breathe. And I feel you. My heart feels full. I lie between the trickery of feeling your earthly presence and the peace of knowing this is our new reality.
You always wanted to visit India. This week, we are. And the chai with soy milk tastes better than I imagined.