Just Breathe.

Sometimes I give myself permission to just… be.

No smiles. No sparkle. To breathe deeply through the good moments and the bad. To love hard because that’s all this life is about. To fiercely protect my family from the fools of this world and my own inner child, as well, because we all need a warrior, and baby, I’m up to the task.

2017 wasn’t easy, but I’m grateful for the growth it brought me. I can start to see the light that permeated even the mundane moments we shared when my Rasheed was by my side. If I’m honest, God allowed my heart & my spirit to break more times than I thought I could survive in these last 21 months, but He’s also taking the time to rebuild me. Continue reading

Finding the New Me in an Old Body

‘tis the season to reflect, right? I mean, this time of year, you can’t help but look back on what you accomplished, what you didn’t, and what you’d like to do in the new year. A recent conversation with my bff made me realize how much I’ve physically changed this year.

A few weeks ago I had posted something random on social media. She asked if I was eating. I thought she meant at that moment because she was about to tell me something gross. She meant in general. To be honest, I’m no skin and bones and I’m happy with that fact. I’m a grown-up who has curves and I’m proud of them. However, after my text exchange, I hopped on the scale and was surprised by the number staring back at me.

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When the Color Starts to Return

It took a while.

And things aren’t perfect.

But the color is starting to return to my life.

The sadness still lives there in my heart, my world, but as I’ve been told, grief doesn’t ever disappear. You don’t get “over it”; you simply get through it – one day at a time. You learn to live with it.

But the good thing is I can start to feel good things again.

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My American Quilt

“Mom, can I have fries with my shawarma?”

My American experience is unique. Born in Houston, my parents moved me to the Middle East when I was four years old. My dad’s job transferred him. The move changed our lives. It wasn’t just the food we ate, the roads we traveled or even the fact my mom could no longer drive those roads because women weren’t allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia. That move opened my eyes to opportunities. My world literally became bigger.

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International Widows Day 2017

It’s difficult to believe that nearly one year ago I embarked upon a remarkable journey with my good friend: we planned a trip to India’s City of Widows in only a few weeks.

It’s only fitting to take a look back at that journey today, June 23rd, which has been declared “International Widows Day” by the United Nations.

XO

Original video posted on HuffPost: Samosas, Soy Milk & Sadness

 

One Year Out.

I desperately wish I could go back in time.

To the days when we texted stupid things throughout the day. To the days when I yelled at you for staying in the gym too long. To the days when you, me and Lola spent all day inside on a Saturday eating pizza for all our meals because we were too lazy to go to the grocery store.

I’ll even take most April 16, 2016. It started off simply, sweetly and normally enough. Lazy morning in bed, pancake breakfast at the clubhouse and then an afternoon at the movies. All while in sweats and a messy bun because that’s when you swore I looked most beautiful.

I’m starting to see that time doesn’t heal all wounds, but I read somewhere that it does “give you the tools to deal with all of them.”

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We Miss You.

A year ago today, my earthly angel became my heavenly angel.

Rasheed, we all miss you more than most can comprehend.

Until I hold you in my arms again.

Forever Yours, KW

Rasheed Amin Wiggins
March 24, 1977 – April 16, 2016

A Case of the Sundays

Sometimes it hits you hard & fast.

You get a glimpse of your old self– your old smile, your old worries, your old life.

You remember what it was like to look forward to him returning from work; him bringing you flowers; him loving you — live & in person.

The pictures & the memories help, but sometimes, sometimes you just want your husband to hold you. It may seem like torture, but I posted this one on my fridge because it reminds me of how happy I once was, and forces me to try to live and smile because that’s all he ever wanted me to do.

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XO

#YoungWidow #MissingHim #griefandloss #StillHis #WidowStrong #GriefSucks #loveofmylife #memoriesforlife