Emotions Running RAW

March is a month full of birthdays for me. My mom, grandma, brother, father-in-law, cousins, close friends, and my husband, Rasheed, are all born during this month. The only problem is Rasheed is no longer with us physically, but how do you tell that to your heart?

This year marks Rasheed’s third up above, and our third without him. These big days don’t seem to get any easier without him, but I am learning how to navigate this winding road through Grieftown.

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Happy 41st Heavenly Birthday, Baby

Balloons, cake, laughter and love. They are elements typically required to celebrate a birthday. Last year I incorporated all of those into my husband’s 40th heavenly birthday party.

Yup. I threw Rasheed a party nearly a year after he had passed away.

I mainly did it because that man never wanted me to make a big fuss over him, but a few days after his 39th birthday (and a few weeks before he was killed) he agreed to allow me to throw him a big 40th celebration where he could see all of his frat brothers, high school, college and business school classmates, and colleagues from throughout the years.

He never made it, but our friends and family did.

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Changing Seasons.

My life is currently a walking contradiction. I love going to sleep because that’s when it’s when I can rest from the pain. Yet I hate waking up because it means I’m another day further from you.

However, the cool breeze that whipped around my cheeks when I walked Lola this morning signaled the seasons were changing. I’m ready. Kind of. This summer has been horrible.

And a few days ago, my birthday snuck up on me.

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