Lean On Me

I honestly believe God gives us more than we can handle so we must lean on Him.

Two Christmases ago I was a young widow struggling to find her way. I had just moved back to my parents’ home & my sister wanted us to take family pictures. I look at the photos of me in the gray & see the struggle in my eyes & heartache on my hips. In Rasheed’s last two years on this planet I was the heaviest I’ve ever been. I was frustrated with my weight, but that man loved me even more then & made me feel beautiful when I felt anything but it inside. After he passed I gained more weight & then lost it – repeating that cycle for a while.

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Happy 41st Heavenly Birthday, Baby

Balloons, cake, laughter and love. They are elements typically required to celebrate a birthday. Last year I incorporated all of those into my husband’s 40th heavenly birthday party.

Yup. I threw Rasheed a party nearly a year after he had passed away.

I mainly did it because that man never wanted me to make a big fuss over him, but a few days after his 39th birthday (and a few weeks before he was killed) he agreed to allow me to throw him a big 40th celebration where he could see all of his frat brothers, high school, college and business school classmates, and colleagues from throughout the years.

He never made it, but our friends and family did.

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Just Breathe.

Sometimes I give myself permission to just… be.

No smiles. No sparkle. To breathe deeply through the good moments and the bad. To love hard because that’s all this life is about. To fiercely protect my family from the fools of this world and my own inner child, as well, because we all need a warrior, and baby, I’m up to the task.

2017 wasn’t easy, but I’m grateful for the growth it brought me. I can start to see the light that permeated even the mundane moments we shared when my Rasheed was by my side. If I’m honest, God allowed my heart & my spirit to break more times than I thought I could survive in these last 21 months, but He’s also taking the time to rebuild me. Continue reading

My American Quilt

“Mom, can I have fries with my shawarma?”

My American experience is unique. Born in Houston, my parents moved me to the Middle East when I was four years old. My dad’s job transferred him. The move changed our lives. It wasn’t just the food we ate, the roads we traveled or even the fact my mom could no longer drive those roads because women weren’t allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia. That move opened my eyes to opportunities. My world literally became bigger.

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